she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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