How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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