You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
