I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
