I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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