a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
