is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
