Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
