What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
