I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
