he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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