arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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