I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
