so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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