Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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