I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
