Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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