go do what you do best...puke behind churches
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
