i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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