My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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