There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
