did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
