So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
