We named our party play list daddy issues
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
