The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
