Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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