My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
