I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
