Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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