I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
