is your mom at the bar?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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