If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
