you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
