I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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