party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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