i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
not ubering you a puppy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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