"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
