I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
