I want to make a zoo with you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
