we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
