So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Less talking, more tequila
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
