I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
