Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
