I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
