Your dad touched me again.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
