id be glad to
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
