and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
