you mean i was at the winter classic?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
