just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
