If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
