Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
